Elections 2084, in a Muslim populated India: An overview

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It’s the year 2084, and as predicted over the years by numerous luminaries, scholars, almost noble laureates, future-focused politicians and other leading lights of modern India, by now the Muslim population has overtaken Hindus of the country overwhelmingly.

And, that has changed, for good or bad, the electoral landscape of the largest democracy in the world. Who would have expected even in his most growth-oriented dream that Miyan Modi would be the front runner for the post of Prime Minister in 2084 elections in spite of charges on him of riots against Hindu minorities in Muslim dominant Gujarat. But his accession to the crown seems inevitable now.

This change in demography over the years has created a bit of fear and discontent among Hindus, now a minority, besides scaring the blasphemous lunatics, infidels and sickulars too. Though Miyan Modi’s government hasn’t invoked Sharia laws yet, these self-hating, anti-India, anti-Islamic guys are going paranoid, for no evident reasons, of course.

Minority Hindus particularly are behaving in a peculiar way, not ready to come out of their victimhood, and their myopia isn’t allowing them to see the double digit growth of state Gujarat led by Miyan Modi. They are, unfortunately, still busy badgering Miyan Modi that he should answer what they call a ‘fundamental’ question — “What’s paramount? Growth, or life and dignity?”

Many commentators, as a result, believe that such attitude of Hindus is one example of the reason why the community fare such badly on almost all development indicators – even lower than Ahmadiyas, Shias and others. They are missing the boat of inclusiveness, unity that Miya Modi professes and of course, the growth model of Gujarat which Miyan Modi — Hazrat Hazrat Hazrat Miyan Bhai Modi to his Murids – will ultimately unleash throughout the country after his accession to the throne.

The Congress Party is clueless as to what to do. It’s one such ‘party’ which has always been an epitome of exemplary secular politics and its mostly high caste Muslim leadership never hesitates to voice their concern for the weakest of the minorities. But, their soft-islamisation and playing of second fiddle, for example in Gujarat, to the tunes of Miyan Modi baffles minorities as why does this party even exist. Their track record in riots has not helped their cause either. Miya Modi is asking why talk only of Gujarat — what about the one-sided killings of Hindus in Meerut, Bhagalpur, Mumbai and Assam? Delhi? Kandhamal? Or even in Gujarat, earlier?

Miyan Modi who opened his fast with water (sign of simplicity and solidarity with poor masses) in a televised interview with an anti-Indian infidel some time back doesn’t like to harp on past. He is man of future. But then, one can’t wish away the disruptive elements in any civilized society entirely, who keep on coming with that boring Gujarat riots’ questions.

Anyway, Miyan Modi has cleared his stand on numerous occasions. Once, very recently, to give it a rest to all the propaganda, he said in clear words that he will be sad even if a puppy comes under his car. Roots of this analogy can be traced to Miya Modi’s love to drive (out). But these idiotic, peace-disturbing people on social networks (aah, how much we miss that profession of yesteryears called journalism) are asking ‘so who exactly was driving that car?’ And ‘did you stop after puppies came under your car?’ (Many observers point out that one need not go overboard, puppies were from both breeds). Anyway, when these so-called riots happened in Gujarat, Miya Modi was a Kid-CM.

Now that the elections are about to get over and Miyan Modi might still need some coalition partners to reach the required numbers (Reminder: India is a vast country), an unwanted headache waits for him. At one side, his core backers in his party are demanding Sharia laws, Islamic banking, Akhand Muslim world, re-building of Babri Masjid, banning of cartoons altogether, ban on Jewish FDI and many other highly important but ignored things.

On the other, his coalition partners are forcing him to tone it down as they fear they might lose votes in the Hindu minority dominant districts. They are asking Miyan Modi to stop a section of his Muslim backers distributing swords in some parts of the country. Muslims wants uniform civil code, but All India Hindu Personal Law board is opposing it.

They are also asking Miyan Modi to appeal against the recent court judgment in Babri case. A bit of background for you: After some new evidences and witnesses surfaced in the case, the court has pronounced that the land will be divided into three parts. One part goes to the Muslims, other to Hindus and third goes to a Dargah. Muslims now want to offer Nafil namaaz at the site.

In a clear sign of minority appeasement, many of the parties are openly giving platform to their Hindu voters’ rants. The Hindu minorities are aghast at the picking of youth by security forces for their alleged links to Bharatiya Mujahideen (Hindus deny its existence) and are alleging that a lot of youth have been arrested under concocted charges and eventually released after years as nothing was found against them. So, the terror cases against Hindu youth should be fast tracked. To tackle communal violence against Hindu minorities, they are also demanding a Communal Riots Prevention Bill.

Their demands don’t stop here, just don’t. Out of nowhere, now they are saying that the Hindu dominant seats have instead been reserved for socially discriminated people – like Ahmadiyas, Shias, Bohras (sects now considered Muslims) and tribals — even though the populations of these categories are lesser than the Hindus. They cite Sachar Committee report to support their claim. Damn it.

And then they are saying that Miyan Modi didn’t allow some clerics to put Tilak on his head. Why?

Thankfully, Miyan Modi doesn’t believe in all this minority appeasement. I don’t need to elaborate it if you have heard his recent speech in which Miya Modi revealed how Hindu-appeasing governments at our eastern border are killing Dinosaurs to settle Hindu infiltrators coming from Bangladesh. They would be sent back.

But there are enough lunatic infidels who clearly don’t remember what this country has given them. Where else you would get such a freedom of expression to say this couplet?:

Sabhi Ka Khoon Hai Shamil Yahan Ki Mitti Mein,
Kisi Ke Baap Ka Hindustaan Thodi Hai (translate it yourself)

The infidel who said this must be unemployed, misguided. When Miyan Modi would come to power he will give him jobs which he would create.

So, in spite of all this hardships, many of these parties are willing to support the only surviving secular face of the country whose role in nation’s buildings and bringing out peace rallies in his young days is well documented. (For updated reference, visit Cobrapost.com)

But then only secularism and teaching of unity won’t do. There is a great demand to balance it with growth too. And if you talk of growth, you need spokespersons in Delhi to tell it to the entire world.

Thankfully, Miya Modi’s governance model has appealed to many in the capital. So, nowadays, there are many MJ Akshars who have come to explain the leader. One of the MJ Akshars is on course correction after he got a divine intervention (proof of God is helping Miya Modi) that he was misled by unknown forces. Other one is highlighting the oft-neglected prosperity schemes of Modi in Ahmadabad’s Juhapura – one of the most beautiful Hindu ghettos in the country. Worth seeing are the innovative and non-conventional architecture and planning of such colonies. No one remembers that, alas. So short people’s memory has become.

On the other side, there are still others who are stuck at Ahmedanis and Co. Hindus and many anti-Muslim, anti-India lunatics are saying Ahmadanis aren’t the entire India, there are farmers, villagers, tribals, non-tribals, etc, etc, etc. TV channels are showing “Ahmadanis aren’t the entire India.” Precise, to the point.

Oh, I lost my way. Yeah, so I was telling you, that to forge unity, which Miyan Modi is striving for, and to present his progressive ideas, the gentleman has come up with Common Minimum Program (not pogrom, to be clear). He has agreed to ban jeans on girls. Burkha/ghunghat (depending upon religion) is compulsory. Bar on bars (He is poetic, na!). Wendy Doniger remains pulped. Salman Rushdie? Who Salman Rushdie? A ban on liquor to be considered (a draft of the Common Minimum Programme got into the hands of Khushwant Singh with the preceding clause. Rest is history).

As the elections approach, someone in Miya Modi’s close ranks informed him that someone has pointed out, probably NASA, that the data which said Muslims have overtaken Hindus seem faulty. Rate of their population growth is actually declining.

This was completely unexpected turn of events, so close to the throne. Miyan Modi is confused as what to do now. As precautionary measure, he has ordered removal of the data in his control but then nobody told him there is something called Google Cache – very much like human memory which doesn’t easily washes away the memories even if one wishes to. He is contemplating if Google cache can be banned. A meeting is called to discuss it with his team. No one turned up. He so wanted to dismiss all of them and shouted, ‘where the hell are others?’ His stenographer (who was chanting Namonamonamnamonamnamonamahnamohnananaamohnamo) reminded him, ‘Hazrat Modi, it’s you actually who hold all the posts’. Sigh!

Disclaimer: The above interview is the writer’s figment of imagination. 

  • http://www.MikeGhouse.net Mike Ghouse

    This is humorous! I admire the figment of the writer.

  • Abdul Kalam Azad

    What an imagination yaar!

    Sabhi Ka Khoon Hai Shamil Yahan Ki Mitti Mein,

    Kisi Ke Baap Ka Hindustaan Thodi Hai

    Miayn Modi and his Murids in 2014 must read this.

    And the last line Hazrat Modi :D