When you walk into the theatre for an Abbas-Mustan film, you expect it to be a decent watch, if not something extra ordinary. But their latest release Machine, which stars Kiara Advani and marks the debut of Eshan Shanker and Abbas’ son Mustafa is a cinematic disaster. And this fact is established right from the very first shot. In all honesty, I’m confused about how to evaluate Machine. Because it’s not a film. It’s a cartoon. So, to point out that the story is laughably ridiculous or that the characterisation has no depth seems rude. After all, you can’t go to see a cartoon and then complain about its disconnect with reality. But I’ll still try.

What’s it about – Sara (played by Kiara) meets Ransh (played by by Mustafa), love at first sight happens (this might just be the most forced love at first sight in Bollywood), and later we come to know that the two have a penchant for car racing. She starts getting love letters and gifts from a mysterious man, who she thinks is Ransh, but turns out, he is Aditya (played by Eshan), who dies in a car accident just moments before he was suppose to pop the question to Sara. Ultimately, Sara ends up marrying whom she loves (that is Ransh). But this love saga turns into a revenge drama and what follows next is a series of betrayals and shocking twists in a true Abbas-Mustan style.

What’s hot – Nothing, except the beautiful locations at which this movie has been shot. So kudos to the line producer(s) for selecting the most picturesque locales. Johnny Lever is the only saving grace of this disaster. And he has a “friendly appearance” in the film, if you please. Ronit Roy too gives a good performance, despite playing a nonsensical character. ALSO READMachine quick movie review: First half of Kiara Advani-Mustafa starrer is a cringe fest

What’s not – Where do I even begin? Machine is Kiara’s third film. She made her debut with Fugly and then went on to star in M.S Dhoni: The Untold Story opposite Sushant Singh Rajput. So you expect her acting skills to improve a tad bit with the third film, but nope! It’s her poor acting skills that are a major downer, apart from Mustafa and Eshan. They are equally bad, but since it’s their first film, I would like to give them that fair benefit of doubt. There are way too many songs in the film and all of them except the revived version of Akshay Kumar and Raveena Tandon’s Tu cheez badi hai mast mast are awful. I know, I am coming across as this film critic, who has had a bad day because of which I am venting out all my frustration on this film, but that’s clearly not the case. Believe me, right from the dialogues to narration to acting, everything about this movie is cringeworthy.

What to do – Sadly, Machine is Abbas-Mustan’s worst piece of work yet. So are you suppose to watch it? Hell no.

Rating – 0.5 star