Dedh  Ishqiya

Bollywood doesn’t serve us many delicious dishes but Dedh Ishqiya was one movie which simply blew us away! And it wasn’t your average Joe Bollywood movie by any stretch of imagination – there were no bikini scenes, no heroes with six-pack abs and humour that actually made people laugh – Dedh Ishqiya was one delightful tasty dish where the quirky, classy and queer come together to create a delicious cocktail.

Here are some things we found downright amusing and quirky in the movie:

*****Spoilers Ahead*****

The Madhuri-Huma Lesbian Love Angle

So the Nawab’s gay and the wife’s got to play. The crackling chemistry between Madhuri Dixit-Nene and Huma Qureshi wasn’t just friendship as the two conspirators are revealed to be soulmates. Were there sexy scenes between these two?  Mum’s the word – we’re not going to tell you that! Also it’s great to see filmmakers take such an angle in times where the archaic Section 377 of the IPC has been rescinded and homosexuality is illegal in this country. Art depicts reality and no archaic notions are going to change that!

The Wacky Subtitles

The movie dialogues were written in poetic Urdu and is quite incomprehensible to us plebs. Thankfully there were subtitles which seemed to have been written by a 15-year-old wannabe rapper with a taste for cheap humour. So we got to read stuff like – little one (penis), dance jam (mujra) and snafu (the translation for chutiyapa). The most bizarre one though was FYI, what in God’s name is Urdu for FYI?

The Rahul Gandhi-ish Poet

Vijay Raaz actually kidnaps a poet to write some classy ghazals he can recite to sound smart and eloquent. The poet in question is one Noor Mohammed Italvi (his mum’s from Italy) to write some class poetry for him. The character closely resembles Rahul Gandhi and he even states that his mother went to school with Sonia! He tries to explain to Vijay Raaz that no amount of money, fame or material possessions can actually give him the Nawab DNA; it’s something you’ve to be born with! The character goes on to take his revenge for being kidnapped and arm-twisted as he goes on the rampage with a shotgun against the goons who made his life miserable!

The iPhone Product Placement 

The movie makes several cultural references – Batman, The Beatles, Pink Floyd and even Indian political characters (you’ll notice Modi in the movie if you squint hard) waltz in,  but the best cultural reference has to be the one that pertains to the slavishness Apple fanboys regularly display. Warsi notices that Huma is still using an old iPhone 2 and remarks that ‘a person shouldn’t even take an iPhone 2 for free when iPhone 5 was on the market’! And he brings her two – one in white and one in black!

The All Night Mexican Standoff

Enraged at being one-upped by Naseeruddin Shah’s poetry, Vijay Raaz and his goons threaten Shah to leave town but he refuses to do so because he has been given a wait-listed ticked! In the subsequent melee, things end up  in an old school Mexican standoff with Warsi’s gun pointed at Raaz’s little one. And this lasts for the entire night! They disperse after one of the goons has to go pee and and they realise they’re in front of a school assembly!

Where is the sex?

The characters in the movie often discuss and showcase the seven stages of love: dilkashi, uns, mohabbat, akidat, ibadat, junoo and maut. In English, that would be attraction, attachment, love, trust, worship, madness and finally death. Both groups – Arshad and Naseerudin and Madhuri and Huma – lament drunkenly that sex is conspicuously absent from all the stages!

Huma having her way with Arshad

Huma Qureshi plays quite a devilish character in this movie and has no qualms about having her way with a man. She practically devours Arshad Warsi in the movie which leaves him wondering whether he was used or not! The character turns out to be bisexual in the end and has no qualms doing anything to get what she wants, including threatening to blow the villain’s head off!

Dedh Ishqiya is one of the most delightful movies that we’ve come across in recent times. It unapologetically oscillates between sarcastic, classy and bizarre and is one movie which definitely deserves to make Rs 100 crore at the box office! But no, we live in times when a Chennai Express or a Krrish 3 or even a Grand Masti will do that but not a class act like this.

ALSO SEE: Box office: How Yaariyan youngsters beat the sh** out of Dedh Ishqiya oldies!