Mythical creatures obviously don’t exist, but what if they did? Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves, Ghost all of them have it in for poor humans like as. And while teenage girls may find vampires attractive, in reality (or at least mythical reality) they’re terrifying. Here are brief descriptions, characteristics of creatures you may encounter as well as effective countermeasures to make sure you don’t die, or worse, end up in the next Twilight movie. The creatures are as follows:

1) Zombies

Zombies are humans who have been reanimated. They are completely dead and are no longer the people they once were. A bite from a zombie is fatal and will cause the bitten individual to turn into a zombie. According to the book The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks as well as other “experts” the only way to eliminate a zombie is to destroy it’s brain, attacks to the body will not kill the zombie. It is recommended that you engage zombies from a long range as being at close quarters with zombies increases the risk of being bitten. In the Zombie Survival Guide, the cause for zombification is attributed to a virus; this explains why it is highly contagious and acts so quickly in the host’s body. The virus is only transmissible by body fluid contact. Some effective weapons against zombies are shotguns, assault rifles, flamethrowers, chainsaws and Brad Pitt. A zombie apocalypse would be a complete disaster, much like the movie World War Z.

2) Vampires

Vampires are a lot harder to kill than zombies and not just because they’re hot. Vampires are much stronger, much faster and much meaner than humans, they drink human blood to survive (insert mother-in-law joke here). Conventional weapons like guns have little or no effect on vampires, the only way they can be killed is by having their head chopped off or being stabbed in the heart, vampires also perish if exposed to sunlight. Since they’re already dead, they can “live” forever. Some other effective weapons against vampires are garlic, holy water and silver. Note the vampires, if they ever return are going to be particularly pissed at humanity following Twilight. In old folklore vampires can only enter your house if you invite them inside, so if a creepy, pale skinned man wearing all black with fangs drops by your house at twelve in the night, we’d advice against letting him in. Vampires are highly intelligent, which is probably why they hate humans.

3) Werewolves

Werewolves are people who transform into wolf like creatures on full moons and then proceed to attack and kill anyone they encounter however they have no recollection of the events of the preceding night when they wake up the next morning. Werewolves are extremely dangerous and must be shot on sight, unfortunately the only way to kill one is with a silver bullet, which is so expensive in this economy it’s probably just best to let the werewolf rip you up.