Today is Valentine’s day. The couples will find their cosy corners and certain political parties will try their darndest to keep those corners unoccupied. There’s also an element of “you’re unattached? Poor you” promoted by card and aphrodisiac-manufacturing companies, so you’re bound to feel a little lonely. Of course, you might notice that the five cars below are overtly masculine; they’re the cars that petrolheads have wet dreams of. It isn’t that we’re ignoring the women out there – the ones that are single won’t prefer this kind of retail therapy, and if there’s any woman out there who would like to own or drive one of these cars, well, you aren’t single, are you?
Here, then, is OnCars’ contribution to alleviating your suffering this Valentine’s.
Ariel Atom 3 Supercharged /Caterham Superlight RS500
Both these cars are demonic track machines. Never mind air conditioning, don’t even have roofs! The Atom even shows off its skeleton, and you’ll need to wear waterproof pants when driving it in the rain (or, if you’re a resident of Mumbai, all the time, to avoid many varieties of water ending up on your person). Both machines tend to go around a track as quickly as any supercar, but will need your full attention to do so without you going off. That will leave you no bandwidth to contemplate your futile, significant-other-deficient existence. You’ll also have to wear a helmet if you’re going to go anywhere – unless you like dust, grime, stone chips and bugs flying into your face. This will prevent people from recognising you poor single person, while hiding the manic grin on your face, all at the same time. Just try and avoid bad roads. And speed breakers. And traffic. Hey, no one said staying single was easy!
Ford Focus RS/Volkswagen Golf GTi
These are hatchbacks that are fun to drive. They’re also big and surprisingly comfortable – the perfect vehicles for a family man who loves to drive. Why, then, am I recommending them to the single person? So that you can have twice the fun with twice as many friends as you’d be able to stuff into a coupe! The more the merrier, right? Even if you don’t want to go to the coffee shop because it’s filled with those godawful snuggling couples, you can always drive around aimlessly and sing along to your favourite song like Mike Myers did in Wayne’s World. (If you’ve not a clue what I’m talking about, click here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzUU7SRRsGo). If you don’t like either of these cars, any hatchback will do – Mike Myers managed with an AMC Pacer, and you can’t do much worse than that!
Lamborghini Murcielago LP640 Roadster
You were waiting for the supercars, weren’t you? Well, here they are – and we begin with the baddest bull of recent times. Not only is the Roadster a Murcielago, which is in itself a handful, it has an excuse of a roof in the form of a canvas cover which the company says you cannot use once you go past 160kmph. Which is a polite way of saying “It’ll fly off, buddy, and you’ll be going too fast to retrieve it.” If that’s what the Murcielago can do to its roof, imagine what it’ll do to a female passenger’s hairdo! Not one will want to sit with you after one ride – and that’s also probably why you’ll remain single. However, it’s a Murcielago – it isn’t like you’re going to have any difficulty finding someone new to go for a ride with you!
Dodge Viper SRT-10
The Viper is legendary not because of how pretty or useful it is, but because of the aura of brute force that surrounds it. If you liken the Ariel and Caterham mentioned above to scalpels, the Viper will be a sledgehammer. You’ll need no less concentration to keep it out of the weeds and on the straight and narrow. When people say that the last-generation Viper has “much better feedback and grip”, they mean that it won’t try to kill you once a minute. Maybe just once in five. Oh, and if you’re a passenger, watch out for those side-exit exhausts that let the passenger door sill heat up from the spent gases of the 8.4-litre V10. No, really – it has even got a label warning the passenger about the hot sill! This is definitely a one-seater car in a very different way compared to the Atom despite the presence of the second seat.
McLaren F1
The McLaren F1 got into the news for all the wrong reasons: it hit the fastest speed of any production car when it launched and held that record for a significant amount of time. However, it wasn’t designed to go as fast as possible like the top-speed braggarts of today are. Its purpose was to be a usable supercar, and it managed that beautifully. In its search for perfection it placed the driver’s seat bang in the centre of the car’s width – and provided not one, but two seats to the aft and on either side of the driver’s seat. Unless you’re Charlie Sheen you won’t be using the McLaren F1’s three seats for Valentine’s day in the way Hallmark intends, so this is the ultimate single person’s Valentine’s day car.
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