Chetan Bhagat you got this one horribly wrong! What you anticipated when (from) Tony D’Souza’s Azhar (starring Emraan Hashmi, Prachi Desai and Nargis Fakhri) was about to hit the screens the film is exactly opposite to that. Your anticipation was our desperate want! You thought Azhar would be India’s first grey biopic. You even believed that this film would not glorify the man it revolves around (as indeed most of our biopics do) What a colossal disappointment! Even a certain Bijlani must be going tch tch! We almost heard her chuckle! (Here’s what Bhagat had to say! ALSO READ:‘Azhar’ seems to be India’s first grey biopic: Chetan Bhagat

ALSO READ: Kissing Emraan Hashmi in Azhar: Nargis Fakhri backtracks, reveals what she really felt like! (Watch exclusive video)

We don’t need to tick theose ‘what-it-could-have-seriously-been’ boxes! We anticipated Azhar to be scandalous, peppered-with-spice and it would dare to venture into grey zones. What you get instead is a simple, a flat or even a boring drama that revolves around the (love) life of a fallen cricketer! So do we get to see the murky match fixing saga? Nope! Do we get to see scandalous lives of cricketers and how the names of the starlets whose names get implicated invariably? Nyoo! Do we at least get to see a cricket match or two with the proverbial nail-biting moments thrown in (a la Lagaan)? Hell No! No skeletons tumbling out of closet. No adultery. No masala and above all, no story that can keep your yawning bum (mine did!) stick to the seat!

D’souza uses broad strokes to portray a certain Prabhakar in bad light, a certain Dev is a righteous hero throughout and those fleeting moments show a certain Shastri as the ultimate playboy. But those moments only titillate without driving the plot in a substantial way. ALSO READ: Azhar music review: This Emraan Hashmi starrer presents a mixed bag!

So what the hell Azhar is all about? It’s a story of a man who can give the Pope a run for his money with his honesty, transparency and self-righteousness! He is soooo goooddd that he is ultimately boring! He takes you on a yawn fest! No wonder everybody calls him bhai, even the women around him do! ( as if the other bhai of B-town and his generous image is not enough… a Bijlani would be better placed to let you know who are we discussing here. wink! oops sorry for digressing b**es). The man is so perfect that he can never sell his soul for any unwarranted endorsement (let alone fixing a match! spot fixing didn’t exist back in the day sadly, otherwise the holier-than-thou bhai would have given it a thought!  Everybody loves quickies, right?)

Dare we say Bhai is a god-fearing man and a fantastic kisser–yes we had to mention that in the same minty-fresh breath! He can cheat on his wife and have a full throttle fling with the oye-oye gal from B-town. And yet he is the hero for  he never indulges in vile. He is a perpetual poor chap who is torn between a wifey and…well the B-town hottie. He just can’t decide who to chose in the end. So while he takes his time to make up his mind, you can take a cat nap and sneak out to ensure that your popcorn is well caramelized!

All in all, Emraan Hashmi looks super-comfy in this zone. All he has to do is to pose with a bat (He doesn’t bother to employ his wrist as gracefully as Azhar did, but who cares!) The tilted neck and the non-nonchalance Azhar (the cricketer) displayed on ground is given a major miss although it looks so promising on the poster)! Prachi Desai and Kunal Roy Kapoor display sincerity ( much like umpires on the field) and Fakhri preens and POUTS oh-so-beautifully perhaps to bag that next Maybeline endorsement deal. OK! strike that last bit off to make it Lakme!

Our rating: 2 stars