It’s result season and time for the students to plan for their future. Along with results come a whole lot of uncertainties, a whole lot of confusion, and also the big question of the future. While on one hand children are extremely scared before the results as to what the results will be and what marks they will get, they are equally terrified after they get their grades and marks as then, they do not know if with these marks they will be able to achieve their dreams and get to the college/institution/job they wish to land. And while children already have too many things on their mind, parents sometimes make matters worse for children.Also Read - CGBSE Class 12 Board Exam from Home: Photos of Students Writing Exam with Guide Books Goes Viral, Answers Posted on YouTube Channels
If their percentage drops by even a few marks, they have to hear endless tales and are berated constantly. At times, they are driven into depression and some even commit suicide unable to bear the taunts and fearing the reactions of their parents and society. While every parent wants their child to do better in life and in exams, they need to understand that not every kid can get perfect scores. Everyone’s abilities are different and they can perform only according to them. If not in studies, your child might be good at something else. Here’s what you should stop saying each time the results are announced: Also Read - Kerala Board To Conduct Class 11 Exams, Resume Online Classes From June 1. Deets Inside
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1. If only you had studied a little more…
This is the classic. Despite whatever marks you get, parents always end up saying this. If the kid has failed then having studied would have gotten him passing marks, if he just passed then perhaps he could have landed a second class and so on… While you’re telling your kid this, remember that your kid is already suffering and regretting not getting the slightly better mark. So your taunts will be like salt on his wound and make him feel worse. Instead support him and give him love instead of taunts.
2. Look at your best friend’s scores and look at yours
Comparison is the worst. The ‘Sharma ji ka beta‘ adage has ruined childhoods. Be it your distant cousin or your best friend, even if they scored half a mark more than you the comparisons begin immediately. Parents never realise what effect this comparison has on the child. It makes him feel not only smaller and unwanted but it also makes the child feel guilty. There’s also hatred building up in his heart against the friend and it can ruin friendships. Never, ever compare your child to another – each one is unique.
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3. How will you get college admission with these marks?
This happens to all those who are passing their 10th standard or their 12th standard. College entrance marks in India are crazy and scaring your child with these marks is not the solution. It discourages them and even if they manage to get into a good college, they will keep feeling inferior. Instead, tell them that they can join any college where they get admission for now, study harder the next year, get good marks and then join the college of your dreams!
4. You know we can’t afford donation, right?
Telling your kid this and reminding him of your poverty is only going to make matters worse. The kid knows that your hopes are pinned on him and by telling him this, you’re not only insulting his capabilities but teaching him that people are more privileged. It might give him a wrong lesson that money is more important than studies and he might not pay attention to studying but only on becoming a “big man”, inconsequential of the means he uses to get there.
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5. You can do science with such good marks!
Now, this is the opposite. Indian parents are completely and absolutely obsessed with the science stream. If their kid gets anywhere over 85 percent, it’s immediately “you can do science”. According to them Arts, Commerce or other streams are just for the ones who are poor in their studies. People who take up these streams are good-for-nothings and they can never really go far in life. By doing this, you’re telling your child that some jobs are “better” than others instead of respecting all professions. Also, that interest does not matter but only money does. Let your child free and let him choose his career so he can be happy in life.
6. We should have disconnected the cable…
Come board exams and most parents just disconnect the cable. The one’s who do not end up blaming the idiot box for poor marks. No, it is not just watching TV that ruined your kids marks. Children need some entertainment too or their brains will just go bust with all the overload. They need a few breaks in between their studies. And if your child is interested in acting or TV soaps, why not try enrolling him in drama classes or script-writing classes? Who knows, he might be the next Shakespeare!
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7. Aren’t you ashamed?
Yes, your child is ashamed. Extremely, extremely ashamed. Asking him this is not going to help matters. He will only feel more down in the dumps and the little resolve he had to try better next time will just be overridden by a wave of helplessness. he might begin thinking he is a loser and not even put any effort the next time thinking whatever he does he only gets taunts. Even if a child shows outwardly he’s fine, he might be feeling extremely guilty from within. Never make your kid feel ashamed of anything.
8. Why did we waste so much money on your tuition?
You’re constantly reiterating the fact that he’s good for nothing and that despite efforts, your kid is unable to get results. Also, it makes him feel that you value your money more than your child. He begins feeling unwanted and studying becomes more of a duty than something that is done to gain wisdom and to learn. Also, it makes him feel as if there’s some defect in him – why did other children get good marks when he didn’t? It makes him doubt his capabilities and feel useless.
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9. How does everybody else get marks?
Honestly, your child does not know. And this is again comparing. If he could, he would get marks too. The kid is not deliberately making an effort to get bad marks. Sometimes things are out of his control. Perhaps he blanked out. Perhaps he has a poor memory. Perhaps he was not feeling very well. Or perhaps his writing is slow so he could not complete the paper. There are a lot of reasons why. Quit bothering him by asking about others.
10. It’s all because of your laziness
After TV, this is the second most blamed for getting bad marks. Laziness to study, laziness to wake up, laziness to write. Some kids are naturally energetic while some aren’t. And if your kid is too lazy to study, ask him if he’s interested in anything else. Marks are not the end of the world and he can do something in life even if he doesn’t always top the class. Alternatively, if your kid seems too lethargic, take him to see a doctor. It might be because of some health issues that he keeps feeling lazy all the time.
11. You’re a failure
By telling this, you’re just telling him that he won’t ever do anything in life. That even before his life has begun in earnest, he’s already failed. There have been many children who do not perform well in exams but then when it comes to real life, their smartness and their attitude, their knowledge of things they are interested in takes them far. Perhaps your child wants to be a singer or a dancer. By calling him a failure, you’re telling him that he won’t ever succeed at anything in life at all.
12. What will I tell the world
Here, you’re putting your ego and yourself before the pain of your child. It is not all about you. You kid too has to live with the consequences. He too has to face his classmates, his friends and teachers with the poor marks. His teachers will mock him, his friends might not talk a lot to him and overall, he might be feeling ashamed. Putting the burden of your shame on his tiny shoulders will completely break him.
13. If you made friends with rankers, you wouldn’t be in this situation today
This is the most ridiculous thing ever! If the child sits with toppers, he won’t suddenly begin getting good marks too! Agreed, the company you are in matters but you also need to have that aptitude. What if your kid wants study plus play but all the rankers do is study? Also, what if they mock him for being a ‘failure’ and make him feel more insecure? Yes, keep your child away from bad company but just making him sit with toppers is not the way to make him get marks!