Why a Dutchman’s Request to ‘Get Younger’ Isn’t my Cup of Tea

Emile Ratelband asks the court to declare him legally younger.

Whoever said age was just a number didn’t really know how to count, I think. Or didn’t live long enough to face the harsh truths of life. There is a lot of good stuff happening as you grow old, I agree, but there is a lot of not-so-pleasant stuff going on as well. Your teeth may fall off, so might your hair. Your bones or joints or both may start aching.

I so wish I could be 23…and no, this isn’t wishful thinking. I really want to be 23, in this lifetime only, and I want to make it official. Being the average Jane that I am, the idea isn’t mine and so I refuse to take credit either. A 69-year-old man in the Netherlands wants to officially get ‘younger’ by two-odd decades. He has even filed a lawsuit against the Dutch government if Dutch publication De Telegraaf is to be believed.

Before you dis me for taking inspiration from someone who is probably senile (this is what I meant about age being a hindrance!), here’s what Emile Ratelband said, and I quote, “You can change your name. You can change your gender. Why not your age? Nowhere are you so discriminated against as with your age.” He claims he feels like a 49-year-old so there is no reason he should continue to be older by two decades.

I hear you, Emile. It is tough being old. And if you are officially ‘old’, God save you! So our Emile wants to officially change his birthdate to 20 years later. From a ripe 69-year-old, he wants to become a still-respectable-middle-aged-49-year-old.

That’s what set me thinking. What if I could officially knock 20 years off my age? I would be just out of college, all starry-eyed and raring to go, you think? Wrong! I would go back to being a gawky, diffident young woman completely unsure of herself.

But hey, this change in age would happen only on paper, right? They can’t take away whatever I have learnt in these 20 years. And the good thing is that officially, I would be a young woman. I keep stressing on officially because, in my heart, I haven’t any way grown a day over 25 since God-knows-when.

That would be a lethal combination, won’t it? Being 23 with the wisdom and maturity of a 40+. Emile wants to be 49 because he thinks he would stand a chance on Tinder. Sigh! I don’t even nurse any such dreams either, so I smile to myself that my life won’t get too complicated if I officially became a 23-year-old.

In fact, I realise that it would be a win-win situation for me. I would officially be allowed to crack inane jokes, drink myself silly, be a little irresponsible once in a while so long as I didn’t make too many mistakes at work. That’s pretty much what’s expected of a young woman these days. Actually, that’s pretty much what was expected of a young woman when I really was that young.

While I revel in the thought, smiling at what all the young-again status could bring to me, my daughter walks into the room. Not much of a reader herself, she asks me what’s so amusing. I tell her and for once, she is interested in knowing more! Only to burst my bubble with the thought that she would also happily go back to being a three-year-old preschooler…she is turning 13, so 10 is all she can afford to shed by way of years. However, I have no intention of teaching the alphabet to a kid who is already my height.

The Dutch court is set to give its ruling on Emile’s lawsuit in a few weeks’ time. But here is my verdict: This ‘official’ becoming younger might work for someone like Emile who really is all alone. I cannot afford to ‘become’ a 23-year-old only to be followed around by two teenagers happy being nursery school students.

So for my sanity, I will keep plodding on…maintaining a dignified middle-aged woman persona even as I am giggling from the inside.